iDon't want Italy
by PinkWataah
Summary: What happens when Carly starts feeling bad about her decision to go to Italy? What happens when she realizes she made a huge mistake and doesn't love her father like a father? She loves Spencer more. What does she do when she realizes she is actually angry at her father for never being there for her or Spencer? She has to rebuild a relationship with him & live with her decision.
1. Chapter 1

_What have I done? _

I kept asking myself this question over and over as I stared out the window of the plane. I saw clouds underneath me, I knew we must be close to Italy.

_Italy. _

I had spent the last 3 hours of the plane ride crying. We had been on the plane for 8 hours, so we only had about 3 more to go. I took off my hoodie and laid it over my face so my dad thought I was sleeping. In actuality, I was crying hysterically but trying hard not to make noise. He wouldn't have heard me, even if I had. He had this earphones in, he was probably listening to some podcast about Science and Math. The two subjects I loathe.

_I gave up everything. Spencer, Freddy, Sam... iCarly. I threw my whole life away in a matter of seconds. My dad offered to take me to a foreign place, and I just... Said yes. No real thought was put into it. I didn't take the time to think this whole situation through. I'm going to live with this man that I hardly know. A man who I am complete opposites with. I love him, of course and sure, it's great to see him. The thing is, though, seeing him occasionally is what's so great about his visits. They're so quick and so rare that I don't have time to get bored with him. I didn't think about the possibility of me getting bored with him when I agreed to go to Italy. The offer was so out of nowhere and so spontaneous and I was so in the moment. It was unfair of him to spring that on me. I am so afraid I am going to grow to dislike with him within a few months because we are so different. I was raised by Spencer from the time I was eleven. Spencer is the father I've always known. Spencer was able to break away from my fathers strict way of living. My father was raised by a sergeant who believed in rules and discipline and didn't believe in having fun. My granddad was my grandmothers second husband, of course. I will probably hardly ever see him, my father, I mean. he works like 14 hour days. I didn't even pack half of the stuff in my room, now that I think about it. The new room that Spencer had just redecorated for me. i can say bye bye for now to all of his hard work. What if people in Italy make fun of me because of iCarly? Sam won't be there to protect me. What if I have no friends? What have I done? _

I reached under my hoodie and rubbed my eyes. I was afraid my father would see that I was crying. I lifted the hoodie from my face and quickly bent down to grab my laptop from under my seat. "Hey, look who's up!" My father said. I closed my eyes tightly and sighed. I had hoped he was asleep.

"Haha, yeah..." I said, not getting up from the position I was in because I didn't want to show him my red, puffy eyes.

"What are you doing down there, sweetie?" My dad asked, puzzled. I brought my hand down to wipe away some more tears that were falling down my face.

"Just grabbing my laptop." I said, picking it up and sitting up straight. It was then he saw my face.

"Your eyes are all red and puffy. Have you been crying, sweetie?"

"No... No... They... Um, they always look like that when I wake up." I lied, squeezing my eyes shut. I was the worst liar.

"Oh, well... Okay." Good thing my dad was also really gullible. He reached for my hand, in a fatherly sort of way. "I am so glad you're coming with me to Italy." He said with all the sincerity in his voice. I looked at him square in the eyes. I couldn't lie. I couldn't pull it off. I loved my dad, but not in a father daughter sort of way. I used to love him that way, and thats how he loves me, and thats how I thought I loved him when I agreed to go to Italy, but now I realize I only love him like I would love a pet hamster or a friend from my past that I had forgotten all about because I hadn't seen them in seven years. I searched his eyes for some sort of uneasiness about my lack of response. I saw none. He thought I was just as excited as he was.

I sighed. "Mmhmm." I said it in a way where it almost sounded as if I was agreeing, but I couldn't bring myself to actually agree. I just wanted these next few months to be over with. I opened my laptop, which was still turned on from the last time I had used it, and opened the Internet. I turned to dad and saw a flash of sadness in his eyes. He may have sensed my uneasiness, but the thought quickly left his mind when he saw the website I was logging onto. iCarly. I had only logged onto the site about 30 times over this entire plane ride, hoping that somehow, someway, a video of Sam would come on explaining that just because I had left, doesn't mean the show is ending. She would still make videos that I and all the fans could watch. No such luck.

"You really love that website don't you?" _No duh._ I nodded my head. I just wanted my dad to be happy. I didn't want him to feel bad. I scrolled down the page. There I saw the big red letters on the bottom of the screen. The all too familiar words that I had seen every time I logged onto that site.

**This website is going to be down indefinitely starting Monday. There is no promise that the show will continue in the future. **

That was the first time I had read that last sentence.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you to all who read this. I am so glad I'm back. I havent been on fanfic since June! Anyway, thank you for subscribing, but PLEASE review too! Just a simple 'Good Story!' Would make my day. Crazy things are coming up - Carly's first day at school, and emotional break down, people will get hurt, and there will be tears!**

"Here we are!" My father said happily, opening the door to the very tiny two bed one-bath home. It was only one story tall. It had a tiny kitchen with a dirty white stove, an off-white refrigerator, a sink, gray walls, and a breakfast bar. No table.

The house also had a small gray living room with a small 10 inch television with very faded color. It had a tv knob instead of a remote control. There was a two person couch, a broken-down washer and dryer, and a lamp.

I dragged my suitcase to the bathroom, not saying a word. I opened a door. It was the bathroom. It was also gray. It had a small shower, but no bathtub. It had a toilet, a small sink, and a cabinet over the sink which was covered by a dirty mirror. For such an orderly guy, you'd think he could clean up a bit. I dragged my finger across the counter and dust was all over. I opened the cabinet, his medications were organized neatly next to his toothbrush that should have been changed at least one year ago. Next to that was his toothpaste. That was all that was in the cabinet.

I turned around and saw my dad standing at the door, beaming. "It's not much, but that's because I gave most of my money to you and Spencer all these years. I didn't need anything fancy, just somewhere to live, but I knew you both were into the creative visual and performing arts field. I thought I could send you spending money for both food and luxurities. I'm hardly here, anyway."

_I knew it. _

I forced a smile and held my suitcase handle tighter. "Well, do you want to see your room?" My father asked.

_No, not really. I know I will just be disappointed. It'll look just like all the other rooms. Grey walls, worn furniture... Why did I think coming here would be a good idea? Because my dad said there would be handsome boys here? I'm so dumb and I sound like a brat right now. _

"Sure." I said. He led me to a room down the hallway. It was extremely small. It had one night stand with a drawer, a small closet, a springy bed, one dresser, a dusty lamp, a window, gray walls and a white rug that was horribly stained. I leaned the suitcase against the wall and took in the scent of dust and mothballs.

_My dad isn't even that old, why does his house smell like mothballs? _

"Do you like it?" My dad asked in his hopeful voice. I pursed my lips together, trying to think of a good answer.

"It's very... new to me." I said, which wasn't a lie. I hugged myself to keep myself warm. I looked at the window, if I closed it it wouldn't be so cold, but it would make the room even stuffier than it already was. "I'm just going to unpack."

"Sounds like a plan, Carly!" My dad said enthusiastically. "I made reservations for us to go to this really nice restaurant at six, so be ready by five. Once you taste their _Baccalà alla Vicentina_, you'll never want to go back to America!"

_I seriously doubt that. _

I forced another smile. He smiled back and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

_How long am I going to be here? I don't even mean before going back to America, I mean before relocating! My dad travels all of the time. That's probably why he bought such a disgusting, boring, cheap house that looks like it was designed by Nevel. He is probably thinking that he will have to relocate eventually anyway. I might end up in Alaska before moving back to America! No, Carly. That won't happen, don't think like that. Dad would talk it over with me first. On the plane ride here, he said he had been in Italy for nearly three years now and would probably be there for at least three more. Probably. That word haunts me. He always moves, though! How can I know for sure? Maybe if he doesn't, he won't send so much money to Spencer and we can get a decent home. A less embarassing home. Why do I sound like such a brat? _

I opened my one suitcase and took out two pictures in adorable little picture frames. One was of me, Sam, and Freddy and one was of me and Spencer. I put the one of me and Spencer on my dresser and the other one of me, Sam, and Freddy on my nightstand. Next, I took out some of my makeup and makeup brushes and placed them neatly in the drawer of my nightstand. I sighed, knowing that I couldn't fit nearly as much stuff in this room as I could in my last room. Not even a fraction. I took out some of my cutest dresses and hung them in the small closet. Then, I took an adorable iCarly wall decoration - it was a wooden iCarly painted in vibrant colors- and hung it up on my wall. Then, I took a small purple rug from one of my many suitcases that my dad had brought up to my room while I was exploring the house, and I placed it on my floor. I replaced the gray curtains on my window with some big purple ones. I took the sheets, pillow, and blanket off the bed, mostly because I didn't trust they were clean, but also because I wanted the room to feel at least a little bit more like home. I took them outside my door and closed the door behind me. I changed over the bed so my pink sheets sheets, brown and pink comforter, pink quilt, and pink and purple pillows were on top of the bed. The comforter and sheets were way too big for the bed, since they were intended to go on a king sized bed and this one was just a single. I tried to fold and tuck the sheets and blankets so they would fit. After five minutes of failing, i just dropped my head on my pillow and cried myself to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I'm not sure how old Carly was supposed to be in iGoodbye. I'm guessing like... Eighteen? I am going to assume she is eighteen and it is the middle of senior year. PLEASE review. I spent so long researching and writing this chapter.**

I stood in front of the dusty bathroom mirror, curling my hair. I couldn't believe I was starting at a brand new school. I've been at Ridgeway my entire life. Everybody there liked me! Why couldn't I wait six months? Then I wouldn't have to move to a new school in the middle of senior year. I'm going to have no friends. Everybody at this school already has their friends, and they're comfortable, so they would ever befriend me? What if nobody speaks English?

I finished the last strand of my hair and looked at myself in the mirror. I rolled my eyes and got some toilet paper to rub the dust off the mirror. My makeup looked nice, my hair looked great, and my outfit... I didn't know what to wear. Italy is huge on fashion, so I was sure I didn't look good at all. Dad had offered to take me out shopping, but I didn't want to go anywhere. I was still in denial. I had a knee length blue dress with a silver belt, a couple of rings and a really flashy necklace. I had black booties of my feet as well.

My dad walked up to the open bathroom door. "Are you excited?"

"Nervous." I admitted, unplugging my curling iron.

"Don't be. You're Carly Shay. The star of iCarly!"

"Not anymore, dad." I turned to him and almost rolled my eyes at the sight of him. It was 6:15 in the morning and he already had on his dumb uniform. I knew him enough to know he had woken up at 4:00 a.m. and was dressed up since 4:30. "I would rather just be known as Carly Shay at this school."

"Why?" I shot him a look as if to say _Please, dad. I have my reasons._ He nodded, as if he could read my mind. "Isn't that dress a little bit short for you?" I forced out a chuckle that said _I don't want to talk about it._ "Do you want me to drive you to school?"

"NO! I mean, no. No thank you. I can take the bus." He looked a bit hurt, but I knew that even though he was strict and old, he must have remembered what it was like to be a teenager. A look of understanding was on his face, and I sighed of relief. I didn't want to be here, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings either. "I have to catch my bus." I said, walking past him to get my purse. I started to walk out the door and I saw him still at the door of the bathroom, his head down. "Dad?" He turned to look at me and forced a smile. "I'm really glad that -" I turned my head and saw the bus coming. "I mean, I love -" I couldn't get the words out, because I didn't know if saying I love you to him was a lie. I didn't know if I loved him. I knew that I liked him and he was a great person. I sighed and tried to think about what to say, I really just wanted him to feel better. "...I can't wait to get to know you better." A smile crept on his face and I walked out.

I stepped on the bus and immediately noticed I was way overdressed. A couple of girls giggled as I walked by and a couple guys snickered when they saw me. Every seat was full, so I sat next to a nerdy looking girl. I turned to her. "Hello."

"Non parlare con me" She responded with a nasty glare and she looked out the window.

"Okay..."

A girl walked up to me when we got to another stop. "Aren't you from that show on the internet?"

I sighed. "Yes." I said quietly. "Wait, you speak English?"

Everyone around me broke out in laughter. "How dumb are you?" The girl asked. I stared at her in shock. "siete troppo stupidi per capire quello che sto dicendo?" I looked like a deer in headlights, probably. "Our school hates iCarly. It's dumb and immature."

I didn't want to make an enemy on the first day, so I just put on my headphones and listened to my iPod for the rest of the trip. I could hear the other kids laughing away. I didn't want to cry on the bus, but I did want to cry very badly.

The rest of the day went similarly. One girl came up to me and said how much she hated iCarly and anybody who watched it had no taste. Another one asked me if I even spoke Italian, and when I said no everybody laughed. One girl asked me why I don't just go back to where I came from. A very good looking guy came up to me and told me how pretty I was, and I thought I had made a friend. Then he asked me on a date and when I said _'sure'_, a boy came out with a video camera and everybody started laughing at me. Almost every single person I came across made fun of the way I dressed, commenting how Americans have no taste. Teachers hated me, ranting how I ruined their midterm tests because I didn't know anything about what they've been teaching for the past three months. I wanted to go home. Not dads home. _My_ home.

I came to the house and ran to my room. I threw my purse on my bed and noticed there was a huge curse word written on it in black Sharpie. I threw myself on the bed and started crying. This was the longest and ugliest cry yet. I've never been so hated.

My dad walked into my room. "I assume your day was less than great?" I didn't even look up. I kept crying. "Carly. I know school is hard."

I sat up and looked him in the eyes. "No you don't, dad! You haven't been a teenager in like thirty years. You don't know what it's like to go from a school where everybody loves you to a school where everybody hates you. This is my senior year! It's supposed to be one of the best years of my life. Do you know what someone said to me today? They said that I should dig myself a grave and bury myself in it. Another person told me to drop off the face of the Earth and take my entire family with me, especially my stupid immature brother. They said that to me!"

"I'll call the school!"

"That will just make everything worse, dad!" I wiped away some tears. He sat on the edge of my bed and wrapped his arms around me. I felt uncomfortable, but I know he wasn't used to the 'father' thing, so I let him.

"I think I have something that will make you feel better." I looked up, hoping it was a plane ticket home. He took my hand and led me down to the basement. I was astonished. It was an exact replica of my room back home, right down to the purple light switches and the gummy bear lamp. I turned to him, speechless. I looked at his proud face and broke down crying again. I didn't want to cry, I really didn't. I know he must have worked extremely hard on this room from the day I got here one week ago and must have spent so much money... but seeing this room made me miss home so much more. It actually made everything worse. It made me think Sam was going to come through the door asking about the next iCarly. It made me think I would be getting ready for Ridgeway in front of the vanity. It made me think that I was going to finish my homework at the desk and then go to the Groovy Smoothie. I turned to my father. The poor guy looked heart broken. He must have spent at least $85,000 dollars on this room and all day and night for a week to make this.

"Daddy. I appreciate this. I really, really do and I love that you did this. It means a lot. It just makes me really... REALLY miss home, you know?" He nodded.

_Great. Now I can't tell him that I want to go home anytime soon. It would be the most cruel thing I could do_.

"How did you afford this?" I asked him, knowing he made a decent amount but not so much that he would have an extra $85,000 lying around.

He sighed. "My great great great grandfather had this... Coin collection. He had at least 1400 coins by the time he died, a good amount of them were very rare. Then, he passed it on to my great great grandfather who added coins, and it just went down the line. It got to me and, honestly, I was never really interested in adding coins. It was supposed to be passed down to Spencer but I knew that if I wasn't interested there was no way he's be interested so I... Sold it. I sold it to someone I think would value it more." I sighed. That was so incredibly nice. He really cares for me. I know my dad, he is very into tradition and value and stuff. He was probably really interested in those coins. I loved my dad so much right now, but I wish he hadn't done this for me. I had mixed emotions. I just hugged him very tightly so he knew I loved him.

"Dad, I'm sorry I've been acting like a jerk lately."

"You haven't!"

"Yes... I have. Thank you. Thank you very much for all of this. You are the best. How did you do this so... Perfectly?"

"I had a little bit of help."

"Hey kiddo!" I heard someone say behind me. I turned around and gasped.

"SPENCER!" I ran up and hugged him as tightly as I could.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hey guys. So this chapter is pretty craaazy. Um, please review. Reviews are what keep me going. I care about reviews so much more than I care about notifications that say people are following my story. That's great, too but... Reviews are the coolest(: Anyway, follow me on twitter! PinkWataah. There you can get sneak peeks of new chapters!**

"How is home?" I asked Spencer over some real Italian pizza downtown the next day. Dad was doing some marine things and he didn't make me go to school today because Spencer was here. "I can't believe you're only here for three days."

"I know, kiddo." He sighed and looked down at his pizza, I could tell he missed me just as much as I missed him. "Everything at home is same old - same old. Neither Sam or Freddy have come around since you left. Probably because they miss you so much. It's actually pretty lonely." I looked down at my dish. "But hey, your life here must be great! Real Italian food, great clothes stores -"

"It sucks." I said immediately. "My school. The house. The fact that I can't tell any of this to dad. The fact that dad is so happy I'm there. The fact that he made that amazing room for me and spent so much money so I can't even tell him that I am so homesick and want to leave. I have no friends. It's eating me up inside and I spend every night crying myself to sleep. I made a huge mistake and I want to go home!"

He put his hand on his head, no doubt trying to think of something to cheer me up. "Well... you would be going to college soon, anyway."

"Yeah, at the University of Washington with Sam as my roommate! Freddy was also planning on going to some college near us too so he could visit us anytime he wanted. And it would have been close to you so I could visit home any time I wanted! We made these plans from the time I was fourteen and I just threw it all away!"

"... I think you should just give Italy some time. You will learn to love it. You will make some friends. You're Carly Shay! I know you can." I gave a small smile rolled my eyes and finished up the last bit of pizza I had. "Plus, that room is pretty epic."

"It is. And i hate how awesome it is, Spencer. I would have rather just stayed in my closet of a room so I could eventually tell dad that I wanted to go home. He sold his coin collection so he could give me that room. I just know he loved that thing to death. And he spent so long on that room. I can't say that I'm homesick now. I'm really really appreciative that he did that and I love that he cares so much for me as to do that but it breaks my heart."

"Aw, come on Carls."

"No, Spencer. It really does." I looked down and sighed. "Yesterday, when I saw the room, you saw me. I told him that I loved him and it was so great that he was my father."

"Yeah?"

"I love that he did that for me. And I love that he loves me. And I love that he thought he was doing the right thing. And I love that he cares for me. I don't know if I love him."

"...I'm sure you do, Carly."

"I'm sure I do, too, Spencer. Deep down. But I don't know that for sure. Here is this guy that I used to be so close to. I used to play with him and he would read me stories and take me to the circus just to buy me some cotton candy and let me ride on the ponies and we would laugh at the clowns together." I looked up trying to hold back tears and I smiled to keep myself from crying, though it was pretty obvious, even through my smiles, that I would start crying any minute. "And then one day, he just... Left. He left and I lived with you, which was great! But for the first year, I was heartbroken. I just wanted my daddy. I was only eleven. I still needed him. And here he comes seven years later. I was just overwhelmed with happiness because the father I remembered from when I was eleven was standing in front of me. And all the feelings of happiness and love and excitement came rushing back to me at that moment." I was processing everything at that moment. I hadn't thought about any of this before hand. All of my bottled up emotions and thoughts that I didn't even know was there just spilled out. "So, when he spontaneously asked me if I wanted to go to Italy of course I said yes! I was in the moment. I was just so happy. I wasn't thinking and I thought I would have that sense of happiness all the time if I went to live with him. I didn't think about how much I would miss you or Sam or Freddy and I didn't think about how he disappeared one day and just broke my heart. And now, seven years later, he comes and takes me away from everything I know - my friends, my school, you! I know it was technically my choice but he knew that he had just taken me to this father-daughter dance and I was so happy at that moment and there was no way I could say no. There was no thought or discussion put into this decision. It almost seemed like he was manipulating me. He purposely asked me to leave with him to Italy the exact moment he told me he was leaving in a couple of hours. How can I love someone who did that to me? How can I love somebody who was my best friend for eleven years, who left one day and broke my heart, and who comes back seven years later to take me to a foreign place when he knows I am so in the moment? I had plans for the future. Now they're shattered."

"He didn't mean to break your heart seven years ago and he didn't mean to just come by and take you away. He missed you as much as you missed him and it was just as in the moment for him as it was for you. He was just as excited as you!"

"No, he was probably thinking about this the entire eleven hour plane ride to Seattle! It wasn't just 'in the moment'. It was different for me. He surprised me by coming and just asked out of nowhere if I would go with him to Italy. He had the entire eleven hour plane ride to Seattle to think about how my life would change in a matter of hours, how my friends would feel, how different Italy is from Seattle, how I would feel, when the best time to ask me would be... He could have thought about these things and then discussed them with me on the ride to or from the dance! It was at least an hour and a half drive both ways!" I was near the point of tears.

"Carly, Carly, Carly. Calm down. You're thinking too hard about this. He probably thought you would love Italy and he just missed you! He probably had no intention of taking you back with him until after the dance when he was about to leave and realized how much he would miss you! He may have asked at a wrong time, but... I don't know. I think you're being really harsh on him."

"Even if he had no intention of taking me to Italy, he still did. He could have thought about it on the ride to the airport, thought about how much I would hate it, and then called you to pick me up. It was a four hour ride to the airport!"

"And he was hypnotized by his excitement! Just like you."

"Spencer! You're missing the point! He is supposed to be a responsible adult. He is supposed to think about me before himself. He never was responsible. Even if he pretends to be responsible and looks like the strict, responsible marine officer... He's not! He was irresponsible seven years ago when he abandoned his family and he's irresponsible now." I started to become really emotional and worked up. "He was irresponsible to manipulate me into moving away from my awesome life to move with him to Italy just because he missed me. He just dropped that on me, maybe because he knew I wouldn't say no. I was fine where I was. I was happy. I had finally gotten over him leaving me. I was successful. I don't even know him anymore! He's trying to be an awesome father now that I'm here, I understand that, but he doesn't know how this father thing works. As a father he is supposed to think of me first and himself second." I started crying really hard. "He knew I had a future in Seattle!" I covered my face with my hands and began to sob, but no tears came out. I probably used up all of my tears over the past week.

Even though my face was covered, I could tell he was feeling uneasy. "Come on... Italy is great."

I jumped up from my seat, I didn't even care that we were in a public setting. "WHY DO YOU KEEP DEFENDING ITALY? AND HIM?" He looked down, so I sat down. "Spencer - why are you here? I've been gone for a week. You wouldn't have come here after a week unless dad told you to... Dad told you to, didn't he?" No reply. I let out a forced laugh and looked down. "That makes sense... I guess. But why do you keep defending dad? Can't you just be quiet and listen? Can't you be on my side?" He didn't say anything, and that is when I got so mad. That was when it clicked. "Dad told you to come and try to convince me that I should stay, didn't he? He knew I hated it here. He knew I was closest to you and he wanted you to make me want to stay here. That's why he redid the basement. He knew I hated it here and he knew if he did something like that for me there was no way I would ask to leave! He doesn't care about my feelings, he only cares about his own! He has some nerve!"

"He didn't say it in those words!"

"No, but that's what he was thinking! I can't believe him! What manipulation! He is using you, Spencer!" Spencer didn't respond. "And, for some reason, even though I know he only remade the basement into a bedroom just so I wouldn't leave... I can't get mad at him. And I don't know why because I really... Really feel like I can't look him in the eye anymore without having horrible... hateful thoughts. I think I hate him!"

"Carly! You're acting like a brat!" I looked at Spencer in disbelief. He was my brother. He was supposed to support me. I grabbed my purse and stormed out of the restaurant. Nobody was on my side.


End file.
